you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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