I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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