If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
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How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
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She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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