I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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