I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
