he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
