i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
