tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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