dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
