..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
