So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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