A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
