I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
