I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
