Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
