I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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