I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
