Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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