by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Let's get the cat blown out
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
