just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
