Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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