You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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