Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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