Can i not drive my cunt home
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just cut my nipple shaving
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
