PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
