she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
