WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
