Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
kristin has been a bad kristin
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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