I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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