both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
