I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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