That's intense
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
