i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
