She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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