we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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