White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
