the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Randomize
