I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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