Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
