i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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