It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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