i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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