no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
