so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
