I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
