He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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