My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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