i wish there were pregnant emoticons
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
