so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
