then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
