My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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