I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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