U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
