found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
barbara walters just said penis...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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