i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
