it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
