um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
